Grateful

Excerpt from Paradise Lost, by John Milton

• What though the field be lost?
• All is not lost; the unconquerable Will,
• And study of revenge, immortal hate,
• And courage never to submit or yield:
• And what is else not to be overcome?

I didn’t read Paradise Lost, but I found this painting of Lucifer that was inspired by Paradise Lost somewhat soul-stirring. We see Lucifer’s intense gaze as he looks (at the viewer? slightly off centre? maybe is he angry at us?) ahead, a mixture of angst, betrayal, remorse, anger, and other emotions up to viewer interpretation. I love how the darkness of the side of his face and his right eyebrow contrasts with that blinding gaze, accentuated by small white highlights. I could almost feel what he must have felt getting cast out from heaven.

I felt a little bit like that in 2023 and 2024. I would always stir up frustration at both my past self and the environment around me, despite knowing I probably made the best choice I could’ve and there was nothing I could do about it. Knowing full well I was in a very privileged situation, yet still unsatisfied with the plenty I already had. It did drive me to work harder though, which I suppose did pay off in the long run.

Thankfully, I started to learn the lesson of gratefulness overtime. A lot of things have happened to me recently (though it seems like every year only more things keep happening) Many stupid things I did, but also countless incredibly incredibly lucky happenings, people, and help I have received along the way. So I am very grateful. Today, something very unfortunate happened to my friend, which I’ve experienced the exact same thing last summer. I remember how helpless and desperate I felt then, but was still lucky enough to climb myself out of that hole. He isn’t an isolated case - I’ve recently seen many people less fortunate than me, so all the more reason I need to count my blessings (maybe if Lucifer had count his blessings, he wouldn’t have been so angsty?)

Regardless, I know (statistically speaking) that good things cannot keep happening endlessly. There will always be ups and downs, and I should embrace the downs and appreciate the ups. I will continue to work hard, and help people where I can.